Out of Whack
Okay, I'll be the first to admit that in my last post I was a bit "over the top", but that's me sometimes. And I always come back down, if not to earth, to a place that is not as quite as high. However at the present, my beautiful "balance" has been turned upside down and I am morose and depressed to say the least. I went too far, I just pushed too much and am now saddled with an aching foot. I know, I know, when will she ever learn?
The truth is that I loved every minute that I was pushing myself, loved every minute of sweat and loved every minute of pain. I loved the fact that I was working hard at something--if I had been knitting all day long, it would have been the same. I set a goal and I was working towards it. Some of my goals are not all that realistic--I acknowledge that. But sometimes I set good goals and just want to get to them too quickly. It is this intense pace that I do love, that also gets me into trouble.
"Watch and wait", "be patient",--neither of these are virtues of mine. I lose my energy and my focus, I get tired and I get irritated. There is something in my life that I am supposed to be patient with right now and I am not doing a very good job. I am setting myself up for a major disappointment. Since I am aware of this, why not relax and just let things go? And lose the imagined control I have over the situation? Oh no, I don't think so! I really should though....I really should let go and know that everything will come to fruition in due time. (Note to self: please work on this while you are resting.)
I am wearing the most god-awful pants today. I am absolutely embarrassed that I bought these pants and have been wearing them for over a month now. They are 100% polyester and rayon, they are full of static, they are big, they puddle around my shoes, and even though they are black, they do NOT make me look thin. This has been depressing me all day long. Every time I get into the elevator and look at myself in those doors, I just want to melt into the floor and disappear. Or else rush home and have a free pass to "re-do" the entire day in a new and more appropriate outfit. (I maintain that my quality of life would be loads better if I could wear jeans every day.) I am now aware of the effects that ugly and ill-fitting clothes have on me. I would be better off just wearing the one pair of wonderfully-made, well-fitting pants that I do own and love, every day! Perhaps I should just find those same pants in a different color and....you get the point.
As for my sad expression, I will takes things in stride and not overreact. I will return to the pool perhaps, that never hurt anyone, right? Or perhaps I will finally finish Revolutionary Road and move on to a new book. U2 has a new album coming out tomorrow--that's good, yes? There is always sun to be found, somewhere in the world.
The truth is that I loved every minute that I was pushing myself, loved every minute of sweat and loved every minute of pain. I loved the fact that I was working hard at something--if I had been knitting all day long, it would have been the same. I set a goal and I was working towards it. Some of my goals are not all that realistic--I acknowledge that. But sometimes I set good goals and just want to get to them too quickly. It is this intense pace that I do love, that also gets me into trouble.
"Watch and wait", "be patient",--neither of these are virtues of mine. I lose my energy and my focus, I get tired and I get irritated. There is something in my life that I am supposed to be patient with right now and I am not doing a very good job. I am setting myself up for a major disappointment. Since I am aware of this, why not relax and just let things go? And lose the imagined control I have over the situation? Oh no, I don't think so! I really should though....I really should let go and know that everything will come to fruition in due time. (Note to self: please work on this while you are resting.)
I am wearing the most god-awful pants today. I am absolutely embarrassed that I bought these pants and have been wearing them for over a month now. They are 100% polyester and rayon, they are full of static, they are big, they puddle around my shoes, and even though they are black, they do NOT make me look thin. This has been depressing me all day long. Every time I get into the elevator and look at myself in those doors, I just want to melt into the floor and disappear. Or else rush home and have a free pass to "re-do" the entire day in a new and more appropriate outfit. (I maintain that my quality of life would be loads better if I could wear jeans every day.) I am now aware of the effects that ugly and ill-fitting clothes have on me. I would be better off just wearing the one pair of wonderfully-made, well-fitting pants that I do own and love, every day! Perhaps I should just find those same pants in a different color and....you get the point.
As for my sad expression, I will takes things in stride and not overreact. I will return to the pool perhaps, that never hurt anyone, right? Or perhaps I will finally finish Revolutionary Road and move on to a new book. U2 has a new album coming out tomorrow--that's good, yes? There is always sun to be found, somewhere in the world.
posted by Mireille at 3:19 PM
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