Connections

...so I did it. I posted a photo of myself and filled in all the blanks about my relationship status and my interests and I emailed some friends and it all began. The invitations came in as quickly as I sent them out and all of a sudden I was exposed on the top of a hill with nothing to separate me from these strangers that now knew what my favorite book was. I felt very vulnerable and very fearful. How had I become part of this wide net of people that I hardly knew? How had my identity been compromised? It was through the genial, welcoming atmosphere of the Internet. Come one, come all, publish your picture, tell us some things about you, and we'll hook you up with more friends than you could ever wish for! Sell your everlasting soul to the masses and you too can have over 200 friends!

No, that's not the way I work. That's not the way I establish relationships. That's not the way I interact with people. I am getting ready to write two letters of thanks and they won't be emailed, they will be handwritten and sent with a stamp to the recipients. That is the way I work. That is the way I establish my self in this world. Not by writing on an imaginary wall, not by pressing a button and saying "confirm as friend". No one has 99 friends. No one can sustain that many relationships at once. It is impossible. We can divide ourselves up into many pieces but at some point the pieces are so small that they become only a picture on a page, only the writing on a Christmas card envelope, only a mention once every few years, only.....

I hit a different button this time. I pressed the button that said "deactivate". And I felt an immense relief. My friends were back where they were supposed to be, in my circle, within my arms, on the other end of the phone at midnight crying, laughing in the dark at the movies, sharing my life and my smiles and my frowns. They didn't need a "connection" to get to me. They only needed to call out my name and there I would appear.

We are too far away from each other as it is. We let things get in the way of a simple conversation. We don't reach out with our hands and invite camaraderie. We don't write letters anymore. We mistrust the Post Office but put all our trust in this Internet of ours, in this World Wide Web. And yes, letters get lost, and computers crash. But shared experience, shared words never fade from memory if they are sincere. Bring me some sincerity and a glass of iced tea. Bring me a porch swing and a box of Nilla wafers to share with you. I'd like to sit a spell. I'd like to know how your tomatoes are growing this year and what you've just finished reading and can't get out of your mind. I'd like to hear you tell me about your grandfather and I'd like to tell you about my niece and nephew.

We've lost touch with each other and are using poorly constructed webs to make us feel as though we are still connected somehow. There is no substitute for real friendship. A photo and a few words don't satisfy me. Why do they satisfy you? What makes me your friend? The push of a button and you are allowed into my world? What happened to commonalities? What happened to attraction and likability? It seems rather sad to me that we have come to a place where it takes these false networks to keep us together. The world has gotten too big, or we have gotten too busy. Either way, we need to figure out a way to find each other again. I tell you what--next time we talk you give me your address and I'll drop by the next time I'm in the neighborhood and we can have coffee and visit. Would that work? If I'm never in your neighborhood I'll call you on a Saturday and we can talk for a bit, catch up, learn some new things about each other. How's that? Now we can be real friends. Now we can share secrets and loves and sorrows and joys and scrapes and jelly doughnuts! Wow! This is going to be fun!